A Mama's Heart

Last Fall, right about the start of the school year, I was exhausted. Perhaps a little physically, some emotionally, and definitely mentally. As we started the school year with Carter in ovoda and Jonathan began taking full-time classes for his MBA program, I was just plain tired of all the work and responsibilities that had fallen on Mommy. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to spend the majority of my day with the boys, I love taking care of our home (even the housework part), and I love being a supporting wife to my husband. But sometimes at the end of the day, I am just completely worn out. 

The worst part of this being tired was that I had started to become impatient and frustrated with my children's shenanigans. Anyone who knows our boys, knows they are an energetic pair for sure. Grant just turned two this past November and his super strong personality is really starting to show itself. I found myself getting overwhelmed with discipline and loving correction was not doing the trick. Too often, the day resulted in lost tempers for both myself and the boys.

I finally realized that I was not going to survive the entire school year with out a little help and I turned to my biggest helper...God. I prayed that God would give me a new mama's heart. That I would find the joy in caring for my children again. That I would have the loving patience that is required of all mothers but too often escapes us. That I would find pleasure in the mundane tasks of the everyday and truly enjoy the fun moments my boys seemed to be experiencing around me.

And....God answered my prayer. Simple as that. It wasn't a magic formula, or finding a way to count to ten when they pushed all my buttons. God has totally transformed my heart these past 4 months or so. I didn't realize it at first, because it came gradually.  I started to find the laughter within the tears, the fun within the frustration, and the joy of my children's journey. I began to feel truly blessed to spend time with Carter and Grant. (I do still look forward to bedtime, but I don't long for it as I did before).

I know how I feel differently inside, but for the most part I assumed this transformation was for my acknowledgement only. This morning, though, I had an experience that was totally unexpected. The Mama-Baba Club that meets each week with the missionary and Hungarian women gathered at an indoor play-place today. Carter and Grant were having a great time trying out the new toys and activities. But as most two-year-olds do, Grant experienced a few near-meltdowns as he became frustrated with his inabilities, or my redirection. He is high energy and high emotion and tried on a few occasions to have a tantrum right there in the play-yard. 

Later when we sat with some of the other mothers for a snack break, one of the Hungarian moms commented to me. "Your little one has such a strong personality and it amazes me how much patience you show him. I have never seen you become angry or mad at him. You always stay calm and gentle and patient. I don't know any other moms who are as patient like you" WOW! I never would have expected someone to describe my interactions with Grant this way, let alone pay me such a compliment. Later she went on to say "It is so nice to see you parent your boys. You are such a loving mother. I enjoy seeing how you act towards them." What a nice thing to say to a worn out mother. But then I realized, God too got credit for this one. Through the grace He has extended to me, I was able to be a witness to this Hungarian mother what it means to be a godly mama. God reminded me again, that His Light can shine through us even in the most mundane tasks, whether playing with our children, or providing them correction. Thank you, God, for being the change we all need. 

Grant acting silly - he is always good for a laugh.